This I What I Learned About Crazy
It
saddens me very much that in order to be accepted by the people I meet more
than slightly I have to adopt a role that they can be comfortable with. It feels like I have to play a role that they can understand
completely so that can accept every aspect of any behavior that I may display. I am
accepted well at comic book shows, among street people, with health care
professionals a bit jaded from their experiences, Mexican Restaurants POW WOWs and
perhaps college campus’ or in the Arts' Community, if I keep a low profile. I wonder sincerely; does
everyone live their lives this way, in constant correction. I wonder if I just
aged out of being accepted in being unconventional?
I have
shielded myself by these following tactics that have at least allowed me to survive
to my present:
1. I assume
invisibility or that, while people see me, they soon simply forget seeing me.
2. I don’t care that
people disapprove of me.
3. I am comfortable
with ambiguity.
4. I am satisfied with
very little or nothing.
5. I have built a hard
shell to protect my soft heart.
6. I don’t believe in
anything because I can accept everything.
7. It hurts me to lie
or ask others for help; and I don’t care if others lie to me, and accept my
help.
8. I have no fear of
making and admitting mistakes, because I do so much; my mistakes are common and
usually seem small to me, but I see, often are not to others.
9. I have practically
no fear of anything; but understand that I experience a high level of suffering
related to my isolation from most of the human race.
10. I have no animosity
or ulterior motives towards other persons in thought or speech or action;
although sometimes if I am not kind, it is because I sincerely believe that
unkindness will help that person.
11. I think that I truly
regard sexual behavior/intercourse as an object, and never a purpose for my thoughts or
action; this appears to be key to most of my conflicts, and in my suffering:
particularly since beginning this Indiegogo Project.
This last not
unfairly, many situations are not perceived by others in the above light; and
my age and appearance results in general fear and mistrust of me and nearly everything
I try to do. I have always understood the missing part of my adapting to this
culture to be a business agent. I am conflicted and perhaps unable to extricate
my desires to make art, attract an agent to generate an income from that
artwork, and engage subject models from finding a lover and wife.
The above is the
complex equation for my resolution or redemption, and my heart’s desire; the combination of
the close association of all of these elements prevents me from putting all the
pieces together effectively, chiefly I reckon because of my unconventional perception
and understanding of the nature of money.
I regard the object
of changing the world view of money, capital and our separation by it (money)
from infinite aspects of objects, commodities and human being as the root of
human redemption; as described by Henry David Thoreau, and that I grasped myself in high school and
adsorbed as a fundamental truth of my consciousness. This is not from any sort
of –ism, but is a natural law not different from mathematics and physics that
is difficult to understand, painful to accept, but it’s logic is undeniable if
considered openly in context with all conflicts existing; political, cultural,
religious and personal.
The love (misunderstanding)
of money is the root of all evil.
Truth/dig exists only in the human mind.
You can use Bob Dylan's recapitulation below to pattern your own truth/dig
No comments:
Post a Comment
Tell me what you really think..