Lucinda Williams voice comes right to my heart every time; she makes me believe it is possible
The only
trick to being a monk really, is to take and keep a series of vows. My vows are
six:
· I won’t kill
· I won’t steal
· I won’t bare false witness
· I vow to cling to poverty
· I will not have improper sexual relations (for me this means no coitus)
· I
will not claim enlightenment I have not achieved (I will not point to credentials
as my ability)
From the
time I took these vows, approaching a quarter century ago, until now, I have
never been pressed to feel I should break any of my vows, even in circumstances
many would feel I should be tempted. These enumerated vows have served me as
armor in a world that can be challenging and chaotic at times. Rather than
being limited by my vows I am liberated in having their protection and guidance
in every situation and with every person I meet. Please do not mistake this
analogy, it is not the man who is protected by his vows, but in keeping his
vows, a man benefits by virtue of doing so. As a monk, even keeping any number
of vows is meaningless without turning his life to service to others by such
ways as he feels moved to do.
In our
dominant culture, so many men and women have just one vow to keep, but so often
they fail at even this; and so much suffering is caused as a result. While I
observe this aspect of infidelity, I have no reproach or solution to offer as a
general remedy. Always the problem/solution lays with the one and the one and
the one; each her own concern to be considered.
In
torturous news today, she was all ‘Trixie’ tonight at the coffee shop. Oh so
friendly and attentive, yet reciting the full litany of unavailability. Maybe I
just feel defeated a bit because other aspects haven’t gone well. The
attractive women in nice outfits I was hoping for at school was a non-starter,
partly due to poor weather, but mostly it was a long shot with busy grad
students and I did to work hard enough to command that much attention. Also I
have failed in my attempt to find a young person to partner in the project as
my social media person. I’ve chatted with a few likely candidates but cannot
get up the nerve to pop the question. I hate asking for favors, even when I
really need help. I reckon it is a kind of twisted psychosis, fearing she will
think I really want to have sex instead, and reject me for that reason. Because
of who I am and how I have always behaved it is a reasonable assumption that I
have sex on the brain (the first title I thought of to name this project).
Going live on Sunday, March 9, 2014!! I still have many loose ends but I guess I'll tie them up as I go along. I hoe you will follow my project and this blog, and please tell everyone you know or can think of about me! The next 40 days from Sunday will be full of activity for me, and I'll blog all about it.
This song was always evocative of some other world to me, the world receding ever since this recording was made
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