More
On Civil Disobedience
By Comic Book
Shaman
Chapter
3 part one of two
To
Consider all Aspects of Objects,
of
People, of Events and of Situations
Art
134
Introduction to an Evolution
I shall begin my examination of Art by relating
my own evolution as an artist. It is individual and specific and is of course
different from everyone else’s, but its truth is universal and you may find
aspects that relate to your own experience, perhaps it will prove enlightening.
135
A Future in the Market
My earliest memories of artistic expression are
the scribbles I made on paper with crayons at the age of three or four years. I
remember I would move the crayon carefully up and down in a line, creating a
pattern like a stock market chart. I suppose I was imitating the lines of print
I was familiar with from the books my mother read to me, but which I couldn’t
yet read or understand.
136
First Attempt
Next I recall my fascination with the comic
strip Lolly. Lolly was a typical B grade strip about a dumb blonde secretary.
She was drawn very attractively, to my young mind, with a simple combination of
circles and lines that radiated sex appeal. At about five years I began making
silly putty transfers of Lolly from the Sunday comics and eventually tried my
hand at drawing her myself. I suppose I satisfied myself with my efforts, and
she was soon forgotten.
137
Art Rules
My first transcendent work of Art was of a
sparrow, executed in crayon on construction paper. I have always loved birds
and had observed them in my yard and had studied their appearance carefully
until I had an understanding of them that I could express in crayon. The
drawing created a sensation in my family and was a hit at school when I
incorporated it into a homework report with some other less successful
drawings. From that time forward I knew I was an artist and would never be anything
else.
138
Learning Learning
Growing up we had some old encyclopedias, which
our parents taught us how to use and encouraged us to find information in them
that we could use for whatever. Mostly for school of course, but certain
volumes contained fascinating pictures and articles about animals, Nazis, the
space program, human anatomy and countless other things I didn’t know anything
about. In 1963 life contained long stretches of time where I was left to amuse
myself. Television consisted of three or four channels with little on I
appreciated. Interacting with my three older sisters was problematic, but I was
blessed with the most valuable thing a person can possess, a small room to
myself where my privacy was respected. I believe I can point to this as the
single determining factor in my development of a granite foundation of
self-confidence. Hours spent alone and in peace to contemplate my dreams and
pursue my interests, along with the determined requirements of my parents made
me a developed personality by the time I was five, and a fully cognizant human
being at eight.
139
Intellectual Advancement
In the first grade my researched report on
Abraham Lincoln earned me the responsibility of a presentation on fishes which
included an aquarium. School provided me with a level of participation and
learning that stimulated me and kept me occupied with positive pursuits.
140
Lazy Boy to Lazy Man
Second grade brought the first taste of labor to
my life. I despised it at the time but today I recognize its value. It was an
activity we did every morning called write and draw. We were given a ledger
size piece of paper to be folded into sixteen equal sections front and back. We
were given sixteen arithmetic problems and expected to illustrate them with
drawings. Two apples plus two apples equals four apples, oranges, pears, dogs,
cats, chairs, shoes, suns, moons, stars or whatever you could draw to
illustrate the problem. My attempts to illustrate the problems with numbers and
letters were rebuffed, and if the teacher thought you didn’t sweat it enough
you returned to your seat to continue. I soon developed a technique of giving
her some fancy stuff on the front page while illustrating the unobserved back
page with sticks and snakes. I realized even then that I am a lazy man, and I
have never well tolerated pointless labor.
141
Love Reading
Third grade brought the multiplication tables,
duly learned and noted. My teacher was efficient and sympathetic and I embraced
her lessons in reading. Rascal, A Light in the Forest and Johnny
Tremain introduced me to the enjoyment, excitement, adventure and learning
that comes with reading. And those stupid book reports they assigned to make
sure I had read the books were opportunities for expression of the valuable
knowledge I had derived from them. Such expressions are the bread and butter of
the artist and should be appreciated as such.
142
Squeaky Wheel
Fourth grade brought a sexy teacher whom I would
listen to happily and absorb whatever she said, and would go to whatever
lengths to please. I can’t remember anything else I learned in the fourth grade
except being a minor problem case and being put in some sort of special program
run by a kindly woman in a room filled with toys and distractions. Who knows
what it meant except that the next year I got Mrs. Zarth!
143
My Favorite Teacher
In the fifth grade I received extensive art
training from Mrs. Zarth, a beautiful, towering gargoyle of a woman, who loved
her students, loved Art and loved teaching. On my first day of class she took
me to the work area of her classroom and gave me a project to complete. She was
pleased by my work, and thus began a deep intellectual and emotional
relationship between us in which she introduced me to the mysteries of life and
Art, and the practical methods we may pursue for Art’s expression. She gave me
art materials of all descriptions and instructed me in their use and assigned
exercises for their transformation into Art.
144
Dazed and Confused
Sixth through eighth grades came at different
schools with a greater student population, larger classes, more labor, less
participation, excessive boredom, No Mrs. Zarth, unpopularity, increased
interest in comic books, effective teachers in government and economics and a
serviceable class in psychology. My artistic development at this period was
negligible. My artistic ideal was John Romita (Sr.). Comparing my work to his
was very discouraging but I still aspired to that ideal. By this time I was
also consumed by the hippie culture. My parents were largely unaware of hippie
culture, and not specifically opposed to it. However they were dead set on my
short haircut and polite deportment, and my mother held the reigns to my
appearance jealously. Outcast as a hippie, who appeared straight, I found
friends neither among hippies nor straights. Forced to conceal my hippieness at
home so that it would not become an issue and to deny my straight appearance
outside, I was pretty screwed up and totally confused.
145
High School Confusion
Thus I arrived in high school. All I really
recall is the four years endurance until it was over. I had a notable history
teacher in summer school. In a two-hour lecture format I received a discourse
on world history and human development that was encompassing, enlightening and
entertaining. It gave perspective to everything I had learned, and established
a framework on which I could hang new understanding. In a literature class I
was assigned to read Walden by Thoreau, and its spirit penetrated my
being. Of course I learned all about drugs in high school, and I didn’t learn
anything about girls then, except that I was in no way attractive to them.
146
Easy Money
During high school I meet my next role model,
Mary Alice Wilson. I met her at the flea market where she sold comic books with
her son Rick. By this time my comic book collection was prodigious and was the
driving force in my life. Mary Alice sort of adopted me and polished me up a
bit, teaching me to pull my share of the load. We would pack up her old Galaxy
500 and with a trailer on the back and we would go to comic book conventions in
distant cities. It was a blast. I made a lot of money and blew it all on comic
books. I developed a taste for easy money that’s been hard to shake, also by
this time my artistic ideal shifted firmly to Frank Frazetta.
147
Tremendous Accomplishment
After graduation I met an artist, a true friend
named Topper Helmers. Topper introduced me to an appreciation for the great
illustrators; N C Wyeth, Maxfield Parrish, Alphonse Mucha, Arthur Rackham and
best of all Howard Pyle. The art and accomplishments of Howard Pyle are great
indeed, and his is the sort of legacy I aspire to leave behind me as an artist.
He was the Man of an Age of whom human technology required a certain thing of
an artist; Representation of objects, people and places, costumes and
situations, emotions and allegory. People craved visual stimulation and the
printing process evolved to its full color heights to close the 19th
century. Already a master of the fledgling medium Pyle established a school for
illustrators in whom he effectively transmitted his deep understanding of
visual storytelling and attention to detail.
148
Aarrgh Matey
Think of a pirate from the Old Spanish Main. The
picture in your mind, no matter how you acquired it, from literature, or movies
or comic books or anywhere else, those impressions and interpretations derive
from Howard Pyle’s Book of Pirates, one of the most influential and
effective works of Art ever accomplished. To have defined some aspect of life,
for everyone the world over so that they are all united in this understanding
is an accomplishment with few precedents.
149
Anticipating Accomplishment
Inspiring art and comic book prosperity
accompanied me to Wittenberg University in 1976. I found the demands of college
were entirely more laborious than, in most cases, I was willing to expend. I am
a lazy man. My ambitions were all within my mind and my material wants were
modest. I reasoned that my innate abilities could support me as I developed my
clear vision. Development would bring accomplishments; accomplishments would
bring recognition and prosperity. These are the principles I derived from my
college years, and which have sustained me in my labors ever since.
150
A Cherished Memory
Here is a good place to examine values in
general and my values specifically. Sometime around 1976 I met Paul Gulacy as
he was beginning his work on Master of Kung Fu. He was friendly and we shared
our admiration for Bruce Lee and interest in various comic book stuff. He was
doing sketches for other fans but didn’t have time to do one for me, but agreed
to send me one. A short week later he sent me a thoughtfully designed and
beautifully executed drawing of Shang Chi in action. I was touched deeply by
the gesture and understood that he had done me a tremendous honor. It created a
tremendous reservoir of regard for Paul and his work, and I have watched him
develop into a tremendous storyteller.
151
An Elegant Pen & Ink
Sadly sometime later I went to a convention in
New York, where in the course of events I sold Paul’s wonderful drawing to buy
an even more elegantly accomplished ink and wash drawing from Berni Wrightson.
Word reached me that Paul had heard about the sale and was pissed at me, and I
never had the nerve to face him again. I guess he felt like a sucker working so
hard on a drawing for a fan, which turned around and sold it. From my
perspective the drawings and sketches given or sold to me by dozens of comic
artists through the years were mere object expressions of their esteem for me,
as a person and as a fan. If I sold them at a later date to buy another piece
of art, or more commonly to buy a meal, a tank of gas or a bag, I parted only
with the sketch, and retained fully my regard and good feelings for the artist.
152
I’m to Blame
I realize that my attitude is the reason so many
cartoonists are reluctant to give sketches to fans, but I would urge them to
consider what they expect from their fans. If a young person approaches an
artist at a show or writes to her and asks for a sketch, and she complies, in
most cases she is expending only the slightest effort in granting the request.
But that sketch is a substantial thing to the fan, whether she keeps it forever
or sells it immediately. The sketch and the good will it creates are two
different things, and the emotion is ultimately the more valuable aspect of the
transaction.
153
No Right or Wrong
If a fan writes to a large number of cartoonists
she admires, and persuades them each to send a sketch, and amasses a collection
of some value, is it wrong for her to use this collection as capital to further
her purposes, follow her dreams or merely support herself? I suppose it depends
on why the artist decided to send the sketch whether she would see it as right
or wrong. Some artists don’t want anyone to make a profit from their generosity;
others are pleased if they help a fan in this way. There is no right or wrong,
only individual values.
154
Kharma
Consider that to write to one or a number of
artists and ask them for a sketch requires a certain degree of intellectual
development, well above the norm in our society. If the artist responds with a
sketch, some sort of signed print or letter, she sends the object of course,
but beyond that she rewards the fan’s regard and initiative. The object is a
thing of small values really, a few dollars at most, but the intellectual
rewards are tremendous. The fan has her interests and actions rewarded, and
have even come to the attention of an artist she admires. This is a thing above
price, and may spark further positive action in some people. So to Paul Gulacy
I say to you that in sending me your drawing you materially granted my desires.
The person who owns that drawing today owns a valuable work of art, but the
dollars attached are nothing compared to the feelings in my heart.
155
Fateful Show
Curiously at that same New York Creation
convention I met Gary Groth, well known BNF and publisher of the fledgling
tabloid The Comics Journal. We hit it off and I went down to work for Gary in
College Park, MD for a few weeks. I was involved in an extremely minor role in
the production of one issue, including dragging it up to the apartment to be
addressed, sorted and sacked. Gary’s intellect and personality were far in
advance of anyone in my experience in those days, and his material success was
an inspiration
156
Grasp Clear Vision
I could see right away that what Gary was doing
was very groovy, but I also realized my intellect had not achieved his level. I
recognized that that was required for the work I wanted to produce, and I
feared my work would be inferior. I returned to college with a new idea of
artistic expression and a new route to achieve my clear vision. I pursued the
authors Gary had exposed me to; Hunter Thompson, Herman Hesse, Franz Kafka and
others, and pursued the new and foreign comics published in Heavy Metal,
National Lampoon and the undergrounds that were so fundamentally other than the
Marvel Comics of my experience. This was the impetuous required to set off the
quest that today I can recognize as my search for clear vision. Upon coming to
this realization I became physically capable of undertaking any artistic goal
and complete it satisfactorily. The only question was maintaining the spirit
and performing the labor. When my livelihood depended on performing as an
artist the emotional demands screwed up my head, disturbed my embryonic
practice and made me miserable. I had developed as an artist by twenty years of
age, but as a human being I had a long road yet to travel.
157
Fateful Decision
After a few terms in college I moved to Florida
and took up carpentry work. I had often built little projects of wood and
nails, and I was familiar with the tools and terminology of carpentry, at
least, so I felt that building houses would be a safe fall back occupation in
which I could find work anywhere I went. My ability to correctly read a tape
measure and grasp of the concepts of plumb, level and square were
qualifications enough to find work, and my artistic experience enabled me to
visualize what my work would look like and was a great asset to its completion.
I was fortunate to work with a number of grizzled old carpenters named Bob, who
taught me an aesthetic of carpentry and various practical tips to better sawing
and hammering. In a couple of years I became fairly proficient, but was
definitely handicapped by my ignorance of algebra, a deficit I maintain to this
day.
158
The Cartoon Museum
During this time I resigned any hope I
maintained of becoming a comic book artist. I recognized that I had a sort of
talent, but that it was not in the nature of cartooning. At this point I met
the artist who would have the greatest influence on my personality and my life
thus far. Jim Ivey maintained the Cartoon Museum in Orlando, Florida in the
70’s, where he had concentrated a tremendous collection of original comic art,
comic strips and comic books, toys and anything else of a cartoon nature.
Trading with Jim alone provided me with nearly equal income from comic books as
I received from carpentry work.
159
You
Gotta Get it Somewhere
Jim Ivey told me of all the cartoonists that he
knows, and the eloquence with which he introduced me to them had profound
effect on my understanding of the comic art form. Jim was my mentor. We spent
countless hours talking and considering art of all kinds, smoking fine cigars
and drinking coffee, playing poker with pigeons or reorganizing the stock. He
allowed me the freedom of the museum and his collections at home, and he
frequently gave or sold me for a pittance treasures of original art, comic
books and comic strips. Jim Ivey is a class act, his gracious good humor in all
situations inspired me as a young man and I still hold him as a standard I hope
to achieve in my life. I was convinced that being an artist meant doing
whatever you wanted, and this was my ultimate goal. My search for the easy life
began, in which I threw away a thousand opportunities while pursuing numerous
avenues to various dead ends. I had to find some way to support myself that
would allow me the emotional peace that allows me to create art.
160
Understanding Modern Art
I began to examine things more closely and
question my understanding of them. I became aware of how people saw me and the
assumptions they made about me. I was a big, tall, intelligent, unassertive
white man, and my status as such brought me regard and advancement wherever I
went, and it caused the people I met to perceive me in certain ways that were
often less than true. It was expected that I thought in common, normal ways,
and would respond to common, normal stimuli. Smart white men pursued advancement
and gratification, and were willing to do whatever was required to achieve
them. I perceived this road to success to be filled with falsehood,
manipulation, racial and sexual prejudice, and resolved to remove myself from
these aspects of life. I began a course of looking for good in bad things and
seeking negative aspects of good things. I found that examining objects without
pre-conceived ideas brought unique understandings and truths that are often at
odds with common beliefs. This manner of thought brought me an understanding of
modern art.
161
Artist/Shaman
The desires of personkind for visual stimulation
of the sort provided by the great illustrators over the course of the first few
decades of the twentieth century were eventually overtaken by still and moving
photographs. The public, satisfied by the simple representation of objects so
ably delivered by photographs, need for the artist to fill a more complex and
important role. The function of the artist today is that of shaman, to explore
new avenues of the mind and to express her discoveries through paintings or
music or by whatever forms her expression takes. One who is immersed in Art,
and lives it continuously as part of her life may forget that many others do
not appreciate Art, and regard it as separate from their lives and a thing that
is trivial and unimportant.
162
History of Painting
If you are such a person it might be
enlightening to examine the history of Art as it is recorded in the history of
painting. Although our ancient ancestors painted pictures on cave walls long
ago, the practice of recording objects in perspective as a painting goes back
only a few hundred years in western culture. It can be argued that Giotto
painted the first modern paintings, in Italy, in the early fourteenth century.
For the next five hundred years the history of painting is one of conformity.
Generation after generation, a painter took from the past and applied it to her
present to serve her patrons. Patronage came mainly from the church at first,
but later from kings, nobles and other wealthy persons. This tiny market was
extremely narrow in its demand and artists were largely restricted to painting
the same biblical and historic material for centuries.
163
Alter Reality
The seventeenth century finally brought some variety
in themes, although artists continued to work in much the same manner, with
uniform attempts to imitate reality. The nineteenth century brought the first
attempts to alter reality in painting. Paul Cézanne was the first master
painter whose work departed significantly from the realistic tradition of the
past. Impressionism as a movement was the liberation of the palette from the
bounds of simple representation and a naked celebration of emotion by the
artists brave enough to pursue it. It flexed Art’s muscles and prepared it for
the twentieth century.
164
Art Movements
The Art movements of the twentieth century were
all abstract expressions of various realities of the mind: Cubism, the
objectification and deconstruction of mundane reality, DA DA, the abandonment
of convention and search for truth in cast off remnants of life, Expressionism,
the use of intellectual and emotional causes in art, Surrealism, the
investigation of the dream state and its relation to reality, Abstract
Expressionism, the expression of ideas and emotions using only shapes, textures
and colors, and finally the highest form visual art has achieved, Comic Art. I
cite comics as being the highest form of art because it is the most accessible
and communicates most simply and directly with its reader.
165
Get Sophisticated
As many of these new art forms required pretext
for appreciation, they became the provenance of the intellectual elite, and
separated from universal enjoyment by the general population. The average
person expects answers from a picture, whereas modern Art provides only
questions. This is a proper and logical progression of events, for the elevated
mind responds to these questions with its own exercise. Ironically the very
people who would benefit the most from modern Art fail to pursue it because its
appearance is not immediately pleasing, its subject matter is obscure or the
emotions it evokes may be disconcerting. Learning more may enrich the
experience, but simply viewing a person’s Art, or the work of a group of
artists, is an enlightening activity. It is an activity one may practice for
very little money, and its continuous pursuit over time accumulates tremendous
knowledge, sophistication and understanding of human nature.
166
Artistic Perception
A person may achieve this level of
sophistication and live her life with an artistic aesthetic that manifests in
various mundane or extraordinary expressions. Maybe in her cooking or her
gardening or her business presentations or in some other particular aspect of
life she performs as an artist. With this perception the entire world is a
canvas on which we paint our lives. You may never touch a paintbrush, play an
instrument, sing a song, dance or write poetry, but yet be a true artist. With
elevation of mind comes artistic ability, but individual mental formations
arise to keep most of us from aspiring to Art. Some set their sights a bit
lower and take up crafts, but a dedicated craftsperson who accomplishes a piece
of work is in no way inferior to a renowned artist who paints a picture. Only
perception makes it appear different. Some people think they have no talents,
yet they get up and go to work every day and raise their family independently,
and even contribute to their community, they work with infinite variables to
accomplish each their individual ends in time and space. What is your
perception of the difference between Frank Frazetta and a single mother of
three surviving on her $22K salary?
167
No Kinda Decorator
For a number of years
I pursued carpentry work, supplemented with selling books and comics. Although
this brought relative financial independence it left me physically and mentally
exhausted, and little motivated to create Art. For awhile I hooked up with an
interior decorator named Gladys Hobarth and produced various murals,
decorations and designs for restaurants and private homes. This work was
creative and financially rewarding but I was frustrated by the work for hire
nature of that business and the necessity of giving control of my execution of
the art over to the decorator or the customer. The reality that I was
supporting myself as an artist was overshadowed by the fact that I was not free
as an artist. Also the fact that I spent money like a drunken sailor prevented
me from advancing to the point where I could support myself selling books and
comics alone.
168
The Eagle Shits on Friday
At this point I
decided to try something radical and get a regular job. I cut my hair and
donned straight appearance and went to work for Coca-Cola. I got a really cool
job as a space manager, in which I went to various convenience stores and mom
& pop groceries and determined that Coke products occupied the agreed upon
amount of space on shelves and in coolers. My partner and I would accomplish
our day’s work in a few hours and spend the rest of the day playing video games
and pursuing Mopar muscle cars on side streets and in junkyards. I maintained
this job for three years to prove to myself that I could do it. It required an
enormous amount of schmoozing and manipulation to remain invisible and
unbothered at work, and my psyche became infected by the stupidity and meanness
of my co-workers and supervisors. My primary artistic release at this time were
the letters I wrote to various young women, in which I expressed the assimilated
knowledge I had thus far become able to express.
169
Political Abuse
In 1985 various
do-gooders in San Antonio went to city council to deplore the lyrical content
of heavy metal music. In response our august body resolved to pass the first in
the nation ordinance restricting such music. Although not particularly attached
to heavy metal I was very concerned about government reaching beyond its
constituted powers to repress artistic expression. I went down to city hall to
speak against the proposed ordinance. The instigators bussed in a group of
persons who spoke emotionally against the corruption of tender youth and
recited a litany of explicit lyrics that made the politicians squirm in their
seats. An equal number of us spoke up for freedom of expression and to point
out the limitations of city council that gave it no legal power to address the
issue. City council responded in typical political fashion by passing an
ordinance that was pointless, powerless, and had no practical effect.
170
Intellectual Foil
I met several friends
that day at city hall and we formed a group that set up at concerts to inform
people of their political rights and to register them to vote. Most notably I
met Bill Grisham, a young man about to become a CPA who was deeply interested in
the study of history and free thought and expression. Bill and I became fast
friends and intellectual foils to one another in our individual pursuit of
freedom and enlightenment. The value of having another person who will listen
to our intellectual discourses and who is capable of understanding them and
pointing out their weakness’ and deviation from the truth is beyond price,
because it keeps us grounded in reality and reassures us of our own veracity.
171
The Invisible Man
I was intent on
self-improvement so I enrolled in community college part time for a few
classes. I excelled in an acting class, and have always been a terrific natural
actor. I have always believed that if I ever got some of those Nick Nolte roles
I’d be up there turning down the Oscar. But fame is a burden, and I prefer to
remain invisible. My hippie appearance is calculated to allow people to see me,
understand me and dismiss me all in an instant, and unless I make myself felt
or noticed intentionally no one remembers I am or was even there. This ability
is useful in artistic observation, and one sees and hears some interesting
things in this manner.
172
Practical Instruction At Last
I was fortunate to
take a design class taught by Fellipe Reyes. In a simple, matter of fact manner
he enlightened me to the use of acrylic paints and the graduated mixing of
colors. He imparted to me concepts of complementary and opposite colors, and
practical advice for completing a painting. He filled in all the gaps in my
experience with painting with only a few lectures and project assignments. I
never even finished the class, and ironically received an F in it because I
left town without withdrawing from my classes. My comic book activity was
increasingly prosperous at this time and I decided to cut out of school to
pursue a new career.
173
The Ballad of Comic Book Juan
While setting up at an
Aggiecon I met a cartoon hippie character named Comic Book Juan. We talked
about comic books for awhile and he surprised me by buying a couple hundred
dollars worth of Spirit sections. While inquiring after a joint from a fellow
dealer he told me to talk to Comic Book Juan, he always had the best pot. We
reached an elemental understanding that day and I began buying loads of comic
books from him at incredibly low prices.
174
Key to the Highway
Juan owned a piece of
property outside of Bastrop, Texas, where he had built a house and barn to hold
his comic books, and three huge ponds in which he was creating his own little
Eco-system. He grew organic melons and was putting in a peach orchard when I
first began to visit to buy comic books. Juan and I complemented one another
perfectly. His technique of acquiring vast comic book collections at
ridiculously low prices and my appreciation of comic books and ability to
organize, price and market them effectively made us a perfect team, Comic Book Juan and Comic Book Don. The come on was 20-cent comics. Our average convention
set up was comprised of fifty to one hundred boxes of random comics for sale at
20 cents each, a twenty to thirty box selection of alphabetized and
individually priced comics, some number of boxes of golden age, high grade and
specialty interest comics, collectors supplies, t shirts and miscellaneous
related items. We were equipped to take money from anyone who came in the door
and had quite a successful operation, but there was a dirty little secret to
our success.
175
Too Radical?
The politics of LSD
are its classification as a narcotic and prohibition from public use and
understanding. The mind-expanding effect of acid makes it anathema to a
government that enjoys power maintained on the apathy and ignorance of the
general population. All of the danger and ill effects of acid stem from the
criminal nature of its manufacture, distribution and use. Its proper use is infrequent
and ritualized in a safe place with trusted people. Its effects may be profound
and enlightening. An acid trip may provide days, weeks, months or years of
mental labor to assemble the truth encountered in a few hours’ sensory
experience. If acid were to be legalized, and distributed in the form of a
church, which educates and properly administers the sacrament in prescribed
doses for milestones in a human beings mental development, the results would be
the elevation of the people who participate to a level of perception and
understanding undreamed of by the best intentioned artist.
176
Unhappy Reality
Instead acid is
criminalized and the ingredients for its safe and effective manufacture are
controlled. The demand for it is great so manufacturers criminally acquire
their ingredients, generally inferior ingredients, and play with the formula to
achieve a producible product. Often these products only simulate the physical
affects of LSD and do nothing to elevate the mind at all. Acid is cheap to
produce, easy to hide and expensive to buy. What cost a penny to produce brings
like eight dollars from someone wanting to drop some acid. Enough room to
create a profitable industry employing thousands of hard working people. This
criminal industry operates on trust. The vendor gets an address. She sends her
cash. She checks her mail. Everyone has her own deal that kharma dealt her. She
trusts the quality of her supplier’s product and her customers trust her.
People who responsibly buy, sell and use acid are invisible and above the law.
Those who act irresponsibly and use poor judgement in pursuit of profit wind up
behind bars.
177
Questionable Influence
Comic Book Juan
adopted me and gave me the run of the place. He made me his business manager
and I signed his checks. He made me a vegetarian and a Yankees fan and imbibed
me with a certain cynical perception of humanity. I tried to persuade Juan to
legitimize his business but he saw too many obstacles in that direction.
Sensing my best interests lay in other pursuits I parted with Comic Book Juan
rather abruptly as the convention season ended and he unilaterally cut my pay
to $50 a week.
178
Changing Horses
Soon after that I went
to work for Houston promoter, dealer and comic book lover, Larry Taylor in
managing his convention comic book operation. It was another case of
complementary desires serving one another. Larry needed someone to serve him in
carrying out various tasks in promoting his shows, and to serve his interests
in operating his comic book business. I found that serving the interests of my
employer made my work more meaningful and enjoyable.
179
Comic Book Conventions
I love working on
comic book conventions. I love working to serve the collection of dealers, the
artists, and staff, each doing their own thing, to bring together a show worth
a few bucks to get in to see. The situation is an intellectual goldmine if the
economic aspect doesn’t rule the perceptions of the participants. Sadly comic
book aficionados are commonly narrowly focused on their individual interests
and little inclined to investigate comics they are not familiar with. I myself
check out every comic book I see, and actively tell anyone who will listen
which ones I like. I will address the history and development of the comic book
industry in more detail later, but here I will say of it that the industry
operated under severe censorship for most of the last half of the twentieth
century, and only in the late 1990’s did it blossom into a freely expressive
medium. Some comic books published today are fundamentally different from any
other entertainment product, and destined to be extremely sought after. Their
difference lies in their creator’s use of the comic medium to tell
fantastically entertaining stories. Instead of a hurried,
sometimes-embarrassing product made to earn a quick buck, today’s comic books
can stay in print for decades on their artistic merit.
180
A Struggle
Beginning the nineties
I was promoting my own conventions, most successfully in smaller cities in
Texas like Waco. My efforts were moderately successful but Comic Book John
choose to act as my nemesis and cut into my profitability by staging comic book
sales elsewhere in town on my dates. I responded by telling everyone he was an
acid dealer and how to take advantage of his situation in dealing with him. The
situation became quite unpleasant and unprofitable so I left the comic business
and devoted myself to painting.
181
Relax
My good friend Mike
Courtney had opened a comic shop in Pasadena, Texas, in a former gynecologist’s
office that contained a number of small examination rooms. I took up residence
in one of these garrotes, and began my role as starving artist. Working part
time for Larry Taylor and at other odd jobs I devoted myself to painting.
Having little money I painted on gessoed record albums and jackets. Planning,
laboring over and completing artworks was more rewarding than anything I had
ever done. It brought me a confidence and great good will that I had never
experienced. I also reached a point where women could again have a positive
influence in my life. My painting gave me absolute power over at least one
aspect of my life so I could compromise on anything else without damaging my
integrity. Previously my perception of my Art was that it was whimsical and
depended on courting a fickle muse with all my attentions. I was finally ready
to relax.
182
Fern
I was set up at a
Contex science fiction convention in Houston that November. A comic dealer at a
science fiction show has plenty of time to contemplate the crowd. Fern walked
into the dealers room and instantly captivated me with her intense beauty. I
observed her from all angles as she idly circled the room, examining each table
in its turn. As she came to my set up I greeted her with my standard “Don’t be
intimidated by our low prices.” She laughed and promised she wouldn’t. She
examined the paperbacks on the table and inquired about a book, and I got her
name, address and phone number for a promise to look for it. Fern was
intelligent and good and displayed a quality I term kharmakatious, that is, she
has a good vibe that rubs off. I watched her walk away understanding I would
see her again.
183
Sweet Love
Later that same day we
went out to my van for some reason and I asked Fern how old she was. She
answered 17 and I told her it was too bad, I would have made a move if she were
old enough. She looked annoyed and I kissed her, and our friendship was
cemented. She lived in distant Dayton, Texas, but would come to Houston for
Karate lessons and sometimes she would stay over and I would take her home. She
was drawn to me because of that quest for knowledge thing, and also she has her
own thing of giving redemption to losers. Although she was quite sexually
ambiguous, once we were naked and fooling around it was clear to me that she
didn’t want to have sex, at least not with me. Unperturbed I was able to return
the flow of blood to my brain and enjoy our closeness for the innocent fun it
remained throughout our acquaintance.
184
Psychology of Beauty
Fern is the
arch-typical strong woman who is opposite to my strong man. She resents that so
much of her power comes from her appearance and society’s expectations of a
person of her character. People line up to give her whatever she wants, but
everything she gets has strings attached. She has experienced a lot of suffering
and wants to ease the suffering of others. Fern’s inner beauty eases the
suffering of everyone who experiences it, but her physical beauty creates
desire, envy and jealousy among men and women alike. Fern is a drug and one
wants as much as she may have, but to have Fern you have to give her what she
wants. I couldn’t do it on a regular basis. I was planning a painting, my first
masterpiece, designed as independent sections that comprise a separate whole.
An object depicted from 16 different angles within the context of abstract
backgrounds that assembled as a whole work. I was casting about for an object
to depict when Fern volunteered. Many of my best paintings are of Fern, and I
expect that I will continue to paint her the rest of my days.
185
Gretchen
One morning in
Pasadena I was painting as usual and decided to take a break. I walked out the
back door and saw a telephone worker kicked back in her truck with her feet up
taking it easy. It struck me as hilarious and I laughed out loud. That’s how I met
Gretchen. She got up sheepishly and introduced herself. We soon went back to my
studio to discuss art and life. I described my practice to her and she turned
me on to a book called The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, a
Vietnamese monk and poet who was nominated by Dr King JR for the Nobel Peace
Prize. This one small book was everything I had been able to figure out in my
lifetime clearly expressed. So this is Buddhism huh? Gretchen belonged to the
Houston Zen Community meditation group that sat for an hour on Sunday evenings.
We attended together regularly for a time. When I lost the little job that fed
me I mentioned it to the sangha and someone said they thought Pueblo to People
was hiring.
186
Tanya & Gloria
Pueblo to People is a
mail order concern that ethically imports products produced by indigenous
peoples in countries around the world. They hired me to take telephone orders.
The work was interesting and provided me some affluence. Working at the next
desk was efficient, intelligent and beautiful Tanya. She interviewed me and
edged me into the position. She and her family love artists, and Tanya herself
is a talented musician. Tanya is extremely kharmakatious, as is her friend and
band mate Gloria. Together they brought me new appreciation of music, an art
form I have sadly neglected in my practice.
Temporarily Homeless
Eventually my job at P
to P ended and I came back to Houston from a trip to the Kerrville Folk
Festival with a horrible poison Ivy rash covering my arms and legs. I found myself
broke, homeless, unemployed and miserable. A friend recommended me to Ms Lindy
of the Kuumba House, a South African dance studio and community center.
Although she knew she would probably never get it she rented me a studio and
bath for $100 a month and I had a place off the streets to rest and heal.
During this time it was my habit to go to Gloria’s place to catch the Simpsons,
perhaps the single most literate and significant individual artwork of the
twentieth century. On one such visit she told me Tanya was looking for me to do
some work for her parents.
188
Initial Patronage
Dr. Enrico and Sandra
Urquieta needed some remodeling done and engaged me as house
artist/handyman/house sitter with a weekly stipend in addition to compensation
for specific improvements. Life was truly sublime. I had created and was
creating accomplished works of Art, and was acknowledged as an artist and
living as an artist, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but I still
lacked recognition and a paying market for my paintings. I showed my work to
good response but no one would pay the prices I asked for my paintings. Also I
was very lazy and unwilling to promote my paintings because I couldn’t express
their value. This book is, after all, a mere attempt to establish their value
and be a guide to their understanding.
189
Tribal Hut
I was almost
completely divorced from comic books at this time. Money was tight and comic
books had become quite expensive. I had largely depleted my once enormous
reserves of comic art, and I approached the happy state of owning practically
nothing but my clothes and my artwork. I went to work for Tribal Don, a friend
of Gloria’s and a tribal folk art entrepreneur. I ran the Tribal Hut, a tiny
folk art and mask shop on West Grey in the Montrose. It was only a short walk
from the Urquieta’s and the same distance from the garage apartment I had just
moved into. It was a time of enormous creative activity for me, and to anyone,
who didn’t know me, my actions must have often appeared weird and inexplicable.
During this time there were only two people who understood my attempts at
expression of my mental mania.
190
Wise Friends
One was artist and
friend Rick Rodriguez, a computer type artist who works at the highest levels
of computer science. Rick and his family sort of adopted me and we got together
fairly regularly to bend one another’s ears. The other was Terry, the King of
the Montrose. Terry could live anywhere he chose, but preferred the grassy
median between the lanes of Montrose Blvd. between W. Grey and Westheimer.
Maintaining an unbathed and weather-beaten facade, and affecting a base and
profane persona, Terry was a local guru to the young castaways of the Montrose.
Terry took a liking to me and we discovered that we each were on the same
mental quest for that indescribable thing of the mind, which we reason, must
exist, and have a purpose, so we think our way towards it. Our discussions of
this concept, carried on between Terry and me and Rick and me, flowed naturally
back and forth, and we all agreed that it was sane and rational thought being
expressed, but it is not only not a commonly examined phenomenon, but is in
fact a symptom of various mental disorders.
191
Welch Street Gallery
At one of Gloria’s
parties I met another hippie artist named Jimmy Bryan. I admired his tightly
constructed, surrealistic oil paintings, and constructed and decorated frames
for a number of his works. One day Jimmy Told me about a woman he had met who
had a sort of storefront on her house and wanted to convert it into an art
gallery. Sandy was a good hearted, independent woman struggling to maintain her
property and raise her young daughter. Jimmy and I befriended her and worked to
help her open her gallery. I moved into Sandy’s garage apartment and we worked
to stage the initial show of Jimmy’s paintings.
192
Teaching Children
During this time my
moods swung between depression over my poverty and terrific highs in my
creativity. I increasingly maintained my mind at a greatly elevated level and
calculated solutions to every obstacle that arose. In talking to a neighbor I
discovered that the elementary school down the street offered no art or music
classes. I calculated that by working two hours a day, three days a week over
the course of the school year I could teach all 400 students to paint. I
contacted Siro, the Principal, and proposed my volunteer art program. He was
enthusiastic and allowed me a trial. I was quite effective with the little
kids. Using tempera paints and pre marked boards I taught my color wheel lesson
to the delight of the children at their successful completion of the project.
The experience was extremely valuable to me because in watching the children’s
natural experiments with brush and paint I saw them do things I would have
never thought of.
193
Dreamlike Mania
At this point it may
be interesting to examine my motives. On the surface I am completely
self-centered and self-absorbed. More deeply, in my practice, I strive to
transcend my ego by perceiving and relieving the suffering I encounter in life.
To get what you want, you have only to ask. In pursuing a life of service to
others I created a metaphysical set of circumstances in which my every need was
satisfied by events and situations that arose around me. My mind floated freely
in and out of a state of consciousness akin to the Dream State, where I have
instant access to the vast store of information contained in my brain. This
manic state of mind has different levels. There is the benign level that allows
exceptionally creative work, and which I may occupy for prolonged periods while
displaying few outward symptoms. In receding from this level, its memory
becomes vague and tenuous in my mind, leaving the impression that certain
actions and reasoning's were like a dream.
194
Manic Depression
There is also an
accelerated level of this mania wherein the content of the mind begins to
impose itself, and the mind begins to race of its own volition. As if all of
the personality and conversation files in the mind are open and running at
once, so that you can finish other people’s sentences as they speak. Social
interaction becomes rather unpleasant for all concerned, and the incessant
racing of the mind banishes sleep, leaving us to work for days at a time.
Meditation and practice may bring me out of this accelerated mental state, with
days or weeks of concerted effort. In such periods I may suffer deep
depression, and work becomes difficult because of lack of concentration.
