More On Civil Disobedience Chapter 3 part one of two

More On Civil Disobedience

By Comic Book Shaman

Chapter 3 part one of two

To Consider all Aspects of Objects,

of People, of Events and of Situations

approximately 8431 words

Art

134

Introduction to an Evolution

I shall begin my examination of Art by relating my own evolution as an artist. It is individual and specific and is of course different from everyone else’s, but its truth is universal and you may find aspects that relate to your own experience, perhaps it will prove enlightening.

 

135

A Future in the Market

My earliest memories of artistic expression are the scribbles I made on paper with crayons at the age of three or four years. I remember I would move the crayon carefully up and down in a line, creating a pattern like a stock market chart. I suppose I was imitating the lines of print I was familiar with from the books my mother read to me, but which I couldn’t yet read or understand.

 

136

First Attempt

Next I recall my fascination with the comic strip Lolly. Lolly was a typical B grade strip about a dumb blonde secretary. She was drawn very attractively, to my young mind, with a simple combination of circles and lines that radiated sex appeal. At about five years I began making silly putty transfers of Lolly from the Sunday comics and eventually tried my hand at drawing her myself. I suppose I satisfied myself with my efforts, and she was soon forgotten.

 137

Art Rules

My first transcendent work of Art was of a sparrow, executed in crayon on construction paper. I have always loved birds and had observed them in my yard and had studied their appearance carefully until I had an understanding of them that I could express in crayon. The drawing created a sensation in my family and was a hit at school when I incorporated it into a homework report with some other less successful drawings. From that time forward I knew I was an artist and would never be anything else.

 

138

Learning Learning

Growing up we had some old encyclopedias, which our parents taught us how to use and encouraged us to find information in them that we could use for whatever. Mostly for school of course, but certain volumes contained fascinating pictures and articles about animals, Nazis, the space program, human anatomy and countless other things I didn’t know anything about. In 1963 life contained long stretches of time where I was left to amuse myself. Television consisted of three or four channels with little on I appreciated. Interacting with my three older sisters was problematic, but I was blessed with the most valuable thing a person can possess, a small room to myself where my privacy was respected. I believe I can point to this as the single determining factor in my development of a granite foundation of self-confidence. Hours spent alone and in peace to contemplate my dreams and pursue my interests, along with the determined requirements of my parents made me a developed personality by the time I was five, and a fully cognizant human being at eight.

 

139

Intellectual Advancement

In the first grade my researched report on Abraham Lincoln earned me the responsibility of a presentation on fishes which included an aquarium. School provided me with a level of participation and learning that stimulated me and kept me occupied with positive pursuits.

 

140

Lazy Boy to Lazy Man

Second grade brought the first taste of labor to my life. I despised it at the time but today I recognize its value. It was an activity we did every morning called write and draw. We were given a ledger size piece of paper to be folded into sixteen equal sections front and back. We were given sixteen arithmetic problems and expected to illustrate them with drawings. Two apples plus two apples equals four apples, oranges, pears, dogs, cats, chairs, shoes, suns, moons, stars or whatever you could draw to illustrate the problem. My attempts to illustrate the problems with numbers and letters were rebuffed, and if the teacher thought you didn’t sweat it enough you returned to your seat to continue. I soon developed a technique of giving her some fancy stuff on the front page while illustrating the unobserved back page with sticks and snakes. I realized even then that I am a lazy man, and I have never well tolerated pointless labor.

141

Love Reading

Third grade brought the multiplication tables, duly learned and noted. My teacher was efficient and sympathetic and I embraced her lessons in reading. Rascal, A Light in the Forest and Johnny Tremain introduced me to the enjoyment, excitement, adventure and learning that comes with reading. And those stupid book reports they assigned to make sure I had read the books were opportunities for expression of the valuable knowledge I had derived from them. Such expressions are the bread and butter of the artist and should be appreciated as such.

 

142

Squeaky Wheel

Fourth grade brought a sexy teacher whom I would listen to happily and absorb whatever she said, and would go to whatever lengths to please. I can’t remember anything else I learned in the fourth grade except being a minor problem case and being put in some sort of special program run by a kindly woman in a room filled with toys and distractions. Who knows what it meant except that the next year I got Mrs. Zarth!

 

143

My Favorite Teacher

In the fifth grade I received extensive art training from Mrs. Zarth, a beautiful, towering gargoyle of a woman, who loved her students, loved Art and loved teaching. On my first day of class she took me to the work area of her classroom and gave me a project to complete. She was pleased by my work, and thus began a deep intellectual and emotional relationship between us in which she introduced me to the mysteries of life and Art, and the practical methods we may pursue for Art’s expression. She gave me art materials of all descriptions and instructed me in their use and assigned exercises for their transformation into Art.

 

144

Dazed and Confused

Sixth through eighth grades came at different schools with a greater student population, larger classes, more labor, less participation, excessive boredom, No Mrs. Zarth, unpopularity, increased interest in comic books, effective teachers in government and economics and a serviceable class in psychology. My artistic development at this period was negligible. My artistic ideal was John Romita (Sr.). Comparing my work to his was very discouraging but I still aspired to that ideal. By this time I was also consumed by the hippie culture. My parents were largely unaware of hippie culture, and not specifically opposed to it. However they were dead set on my short haircut and polite deportment, and my mother held the reigns to my appearance jealously. Outcast as a hippie, who appeared straight, I found friends neither among hippies nor straights. Forced to conceal my hippieness at home so that it would not become an issue and to deny my straight appearance outside, I was pretty screwed up and totally confused.

 

145

High School Confusion

Thus I arrived in high school. All I really recall is the four years endurance until it was over. I had a notable history teacher in summer school. In a two-hour lecture format I received a discourse on world history and human development that was encompassing, enlightening and entertaining. It gave perspective to everything I had learned, and established a framework on which I could hang new understanding. In a literature class I was assigned to read Walden by Thoreau, and its spirit penetrated my being. Of course I learned all about drugs in high school, and I didn’t learn anything about girls then, except that I was in no way attractive to them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

146

Easy Money

During high school I meet my next role model, Mary Alice Wilson. I met her at the flea market where she sold comic books with her son Rick. By this time my comic book collection was prodigious and was the driving force in my life. Mary Alice sort of adopted me and polished me up a bit, teaching me to pull my share of the load. We would pack up her old Galaxy 500 and with a trailer on the back and we would go to comic book conventions in distant cities. It was a blast. I made a lot of money and blew it all on comic books. I developed a taste for easy money that’s been hard to shake, also by this time my artistic ideal shifted firmly to Frank Frazetta.

147

Tremendous Accomplishment

After graduation I met an artist, a true friend named Topper Helmers. Topper introduced me to an appreciation for the great illustrators; N C Wyeth, Maxfield Parrish, Alphonse Mucha, Arthur Rackham and best of all Howard Pyle. The art and accomplishments of Howard Pyle are great indeed, and his is the sort of legacy I aspire to leave behind me as an artist. He was the Man of an Age of whom human technology required a certain thing of an artist; Representation of objects, people and places, costumes and situations, emotions and allegory. People craved visual stimulation and the printing process evolved to its full color heights to close the 19^th century. Already a master of the fledgling medium Pyle established a school for illustrators in whom he effectively transmitted his deep understanding of visual storytelling and attention to detail.

 

148

Aarrgh Matey

Think of a pirate from the Old Spanish Main. The picture in your mind, no matter how you acquired it, from literature, or movies or comic books or anywhere else, those impressions and interpretations derive from Howard Pyle’s Book of Pirates, one of the most influential and effective works of Art ever accomplished. To have defined some aspect of life, for everyone the world over so that they are all united in this understanding is an accomplishment with few precedents.

149

Anticipating Accomplishment

Inspiring art and comic book prosperity accompanied me to Wittenberg University in 1976. I found the demands of college were entirely more laborious than, in most cases, I was willing to expend. I am a lazy man. My ambitions were all within my mind and my material wants were modest. I reasoned that my innate abilities could support me as I developed my clear vision. Development would bring accomplishments; accomplishments would bring recognition and prosperity. These are the principles I derived from my college years, and which have sustained me in my labors ever since.

 

150

A Cherished Memory

Here is a good place to examine values in general and my values specifically. Sometime around 1976 I met Paul Gulacy as he was beginning his work on Master of Kung Fu. He was friendly and we shared our admiration for Bruce Lee and interest in various comic book stuff. He was doing sketches for other fans but didn’t have time to do one for me, but agreed to send me one. A short week later he sent me a thoughtfully designed and beautifully executed drawing of Shang Chi in action. I was touched deeply by the gesture and understood that he had done me a tremendous honor. It created a tremendous reservoir of regard for Paul and his work, and I have watched him develop into a tremendous storyteller.

151

An Elegant Pen & Ink

Sadly sometime later I went to a convention in New York, where in the course of events I sold Paul’s wonderful drawing to buy an even more elegantly accomplished ink and wash drawing from Berni Wrightson. Word reached me that Paul had heard about the sale and was pissed at me, and I never had the nerve to face him again. I guess he felt like a sucker working so hard on a drawing for a fan, which turned around and sold it. From my perspective the drawings and sketches given or sold to me by dozens of comic artists through the years were mere object expressions of their esteem for me, as a person and as a fan. If I sold them at a later date to buy another piece of art, or more commonly to buy a meal, a tank of gas or a bag, I parted only with the sketch, and retained fully my regard and good feelings for the artist.

 

152

I’m to Blame

I realize that my attitude is the reason so many cartoonists are reluctant to give sketches to fans, but I would urge them to consider what they expect from their fans. If a young person approaches an artist at a show or writes to her and asks for a sketch, and she complies, in most cases she is expending only the slightest effort in granting the request. But that sketch is a substantial thing to the fan, whether she keeps it forever or sells it immediately. The sketch and the good will it creates are two different things, and the emotion is ultimately the more valuable aspect of the transaction.

153

No Right or Wrong

If a fan writes to a large number of cartoonists she admires, and persuades them each to send a sketch, and amasses a collection of some value, is it wrong for her to use this collection as capital to further her purposes, follow her dreams or merely support herself? I suppose it depends on why the artist decided to send the sketch whether she would see it as right or wrong. Some artists don’t want anyone to make a profit from their generosity; others are pleased if they help a fan in this way. There is no right or wrong, only individual values.

 
154

Kharma

Consider that to write to one or a number of artists and ask them for a sketch requires a certain degree of intellectual development, well above the norm in our society. If the artist responds with a sketch, some sort of signed print or letter, she sends the object of course, but beyond that she rewards the fan’s regard and initiative. The object is a thing of small values really, a few dollars at most, but the intellectual rewards are tremendous. The fan has her interests and actions rewarded, and have even come to the attention of an artist she admires. This is a thing above price, and may spark further positive action in some people. So to Paul Gulacy I say to you that in sending me your drawing you materially granted my desires. The person who owns that drawing today owns a valuable work of art, but the dollars attached are nothing compared to the feelings in my heart.

 

155

Fateful Show

Curiously at that same New York Creation convention I met Gary Groth, well known BNF and publisher of the fledgling tabloid The Comics Journal. We hit it off and I went down to work for Gary in College Park, MD for a few weeks. I was involved in an extremely minor role in the production of one issue, including dragging it up to the apartment to be addressed, sorted and sacked. Gary’s intellect and personality were far in advance of anyone in my experience in those days, and his material success was an inspiration

156

Grasp Clear Vision

I could see right away that what Gary was doing was very groovy, but I also realized my intellect had not achieved his level. I recognized that that was required for the work I wanted to produce, and I feared my work would be inferior. I returned to college with a new idea of artistic expression and a new route to achieve my clear vision. I pursued the authors Gary had exposed me to; Hunter Thompson, Herman Hesse, Franz Kafka and others, and pursued the new and foreign comics published in Heavy Metal, National Lampoon and the undergrounds that were so fundamentally other than the Marvel Comics of my experience. This was the impetuous required to set off the quest that today I can recognize as my search for clear vision. Upon coming to this realization I became physically capable of undertaking any artistic goal and complete it satisfactorily. The only question was maintaining the spirit and performing the labor. When my livelihood depended on performing as an artist the emotional demands screwed up my head, disturbed my embryonic practice and made me miserable. I had developed as an artist by twenty years of age, but as a human being I had a long road yet to travel.

 

157

Fateful Decision

After a few terms in college I moved to Florida and took up carpentry work. I had often built little projects of wood and nails, and I was familiar with the tools and terminology of carpentry, at least, so I felt that building houses would be a safe fall back occupation in which I could find work anywhere I went. My ability to correctly read a tape measure and grasp of the concepts of plumb, level and square were qualifications enough to find work, and my artistic experience enabled me to visualize what my work would look like and was a great asset to its completion. I was fortunate to work with a number of grizzled old carpenters named Bob, who taught me an aesthetic of carpentry and various practical tips to better sawing and hammering. In a couple of years I became fairly proficient, but was definitely handicapped by my ignorance of algebra, a deficit I maintain to this day.

 

158

The Cartoon Museum

During this time I resigned any hope I maintained of becoming a comic book artist. I recognized that I had a sort of talent, but that it was not in the nature of cartooning. At this point I met the artist who would have the greatest influence on my personality and my life thus far. Jim Ivey maintained the Cartoon Museum in Orlando, Florida in the 70’s, where he had concentrated a tremendous collection of original comic art, comic strips and comic books, toys and anything else of a cartoon nature. Trading with Jim alone provided me with nearly equal income from comic books as I received from carpentry work.

 
159

You Gotta Get it Somewhere

Jim Ivey told me of all the cartoonists that he knows, and the eloquence with which he introduced me to them had profound effect on my understanding of the comic art form. Jim was my mentor. We spent countless hours talking and considering art of all kinds, smoking fine cigars and drinking coffee, playing poker with pigeons or reorganizing the stock. He allowed me the freedom of the museum and his collections at home, and he frequently gave or sold me for a pittance treasures of original art, comic books and comic strips. Jim Ivey is a class act, his gracious good humor in all situations inspired me as a young man and I still hold him as a standard I hope to achieve in my life. I was convinced that being an artist meant doing whatever you wanted, and this was my ultimate goal. My search for the easy life began, in which I threw away a thousand opportunities while pursuing numerous avenues to various dead ends. I had to find some way to support myself that would allow me the emotional peace that allows me to create art.

 

160

Understanding Modern Art

I began to examine things more closely and question my understanding of them. I became aware of how people saw me and the assumptions they made about me. I was a big, tall, intelligent, unassertive white man, and my status as such brought me regard and advancement wherever I went, and it caused the people I met to perceive me in certain ways that were often less than true. It was expected that I thought in common, normal ways, and would respond to common, normal stimuli. Smart white men pursued advancement and gratification, and were willing to do whatever was required to achieve them. I perceived this road to success to be filled with falsehood, manipulation, racial and sexual prejudice, and resolved to remove myself from these aspects of life. I began a course of looking for good in bad things and seeking negative aspects of good things. I found that examining objects without pre-conceived ideas brought unique understandings and truths that are often at odds with common beliefs. This manner of thought brought me an understanding of modern art.

 

161

Artist/Shaman

The desires of personkind for visual stimulation of the sort provided by the great illustrators over the course of the first few decades of the twentieth century were eventually overtaken by still and moving photographs. The public, satisfied by the simple representation of objects so ably delivered by photographs, need for the artist to fill a more complex and important role. The function of the artist today is that of shaman, to explore new avenues of the mind and to express her discoveries through paintings or music or by whatever forms her expression takes. One who is immersed in Art, and lives it continuously as part of her life may forget that many others do not appreciate Art, and regard it as separate from their lives and a thing that is trivial and unimportant.

 

162

History of Painting

If you are such a person it might be enlightening to examine the history of Art as it is recorded in the history of painting. Although our ancient ancestors painted pictures on cave walls long ago, the practice of recording objects in perspective as a painting goes back only a few hundred years in western culture. It can be argued that Giotto painted the first modern paintings, in Italy, in the early fourteenth century. For the next five hundred years the history of painting is one of conformity. Generation after generation, a painter took from the past and applied it to her present to serve her patrons. Patronage came mainly from the church at first, but later from kings, nobles and other wealthy persons. This tiny market was extremely narrow in its demand and artists were largely restricted to painting the same biblical and historic material for centuries.

163

Alter Reality

The seventeenth century finally brought some variety in themes, although artists continued to work in much the same manner, with uniform attempts to imitate reality. The nineteenth century brought the first attempts to alter reality in painting. Paul Cézanne was the first master painter whose work departed significantly from the realistic tradition of the past. Impressionism as a movement was the liberation of the palette from the bounds of simple representation and a naked celebration of emotion by the artists brave enough to pursue it. It flexed Art’s muscles and prepared it for the twentieth century.

164 

Art Movements

The Art movements of the twentieth century were all abstract expressions of various realities of the mind: Cubism, the objectification and deconstruction of mundane reality, DA DA, the abandonment of convention and search for truth in cast off remnants of life, Expressionism, the use of intellectual and emotional causes in art, Surrealism, the investigation of the dream state and its relation to reality, Abstract Expressionism, the expression of ideas and emotions using only shapes, textures and colors, and finally the highest form visual art has achieved, Comic Art. I cite comics as being the highest form of art because it is the most accessible and communicates most simply and directly with its reader.

 

165

Get Sophisticated

As many of these new art forms required pretext for appreciation, they became the provenance of the intellectual elite, and separated from universal enjoyment by the general population. The average person expects answers from a picture, whereas modern Art provides only questions. This is a proper and logical progression of events, for the elevated mind responds to these questions with its own exercise. Ironically the very people who would benefit the most from modern Art fail to pursue it because its appearance is not immediately pleasing, its subject matter is obscure or the emotions it evokes may be disconcerting. Learning more may enrich the experience, but simply viewing a person’s Art, or the work of a group of artists, is an enlightening activity. It is an activity one may practice for very little money, and its continuous pursuit over time accumulates tremendous knowledge, sophistication and understanding of human nature.

 

 

166

Artistic Perception

A person may achieve this level of sophistication and live her life with an artistic aesthetic that manifests in various mundane or extraordinary expressions. Maybe in her cooking or her gardening or her business presentations or in some other particular aspect of life she performs as an artist. With this perception the entire world is a canvas on which we paint our lives. You may never touch a paintbrush, play an instrument, sing a song, dance or write poetry, but yet be a true artist. With elevation of mind comes artistic ability, but individual mental formations arise to keep most of us from aspiring to Art. Some set their sights a bit lower and take up crafts, but a dedicated craftsperson who accomplishes a piece of work is in no way inferior to a renowned artist who paints a picture. Only perception makes it appear different. Some people think they have no talents, yet they get up and go to work every day and raise their family independently, and even contribute to their community, they work with infinite variables to accomplish each their individual ends in time and space. What is your perception of the difference between Frank Frazetta and a single mother of three surviving on her $22K salary?

 

167

No Kinda Decorator

For a number of years I pursued carpentry work, supplemented with selling books and comics. Although this brought relative financial independence it left me physically and mentally exhausted, and little motivated to create Art. For awhile I hooked up with an interior decorator named Gladys Hobarth and produced various murals, decorations and designs for restaurants and private homes. This work was creative and financially rewarding but I was frustrated by the work for hire nature of that business and the necessity of giving control of my execution of the art over to the decorator or the customer. The reality that I was supporting myself as an artist was overshadowed by the fact that I was not free as an artist. Also the fact that I spent money like a drunken sailor prevented me from advancing to the point where I could support myself selling books and comics alone.

 
168

The Eagle Shits on Friday

At this point I decided to try something radical and get a regular job. I cut my hair and donned straight appearance and went to work for Coca-Cola. I got a really cool job as a space manager, in which I went to various convenience stores and mom & pop groceries and determined that Coke products occupied the agreed upon amount of space on shelves and in coolers. My partner and I would accomplish our day’s work in a few hours and spend the rest of the day playing video games and pursuing Mopar muscle cars on side streets and in junkyards. I maintained this job for three years to prove to myself that I could do it. It required an enormous amount of schmoozing and manipulation to remain invisible and unbothered at work, and my psyche became infected by the stupidity and meanness of my co-workers and supervisors. My primary artistic release at this time were the letters I wrote to various young women, in which I expressed the assimilated knowledge I had thus far become able to express.

 
169

Political Abuse

In 1985 various do-gooders in San Antonio went to city council to deplore the lyrical content of heavy metal music. In response our august body resolved to pass the first in the nation ordinance restricting such music. Although not particularly attached to heavy metal I was very concerned about government reaching beyond its constituted powers to repress artistic expression. I went down to city hall to speak against the proposed ordinance. The instigators bussed in a group of persons who spoke emotionally against the corruption of tender youth and recited a litany of explicit lyrics that made the politicians squirm in their seats. An equal number of us spoke up for freedom of expression and to point out the limitations of city council that gave it no legal power to address the issue. City council responded in typical political fashion by passing an ordinance that was pointless, powerless, and had no practical effect.

 
170

Intellectual Foil

I met several friends that day at city hall and we formed a group that set up at concerts to inform people of their political rights and to register them to vote. Most notably I met Bill Grisham, a young man about to become a CPA who was deeply interested in the study of history and free thought and expression. Bill and I became fast friends and intellectual foils to one another in our individual pursuit of freedom and enlightenment. The value of having another person who will listen to our intellectual discourses and who is capable of understanding them and pointing out their weakness’ and deviation from the truth is beyond price, because it keeps us grounded in reality and reassures us of our own veracity.

171

The Invisible Man

I was intent on self-improvement so I enrolled in community college part time for a few classes. I excelled in an acting class, and have always been a terrific natural actor. I have always believed that if I ever got some of those Nick Nolte roles I’d be up there turning down the Oscar. But fame is a burden, and I prefer to remain invisible. My hippie appearance is calculated to allow people to see me, understand me and dismiss me all in an instant, and unless I make myself felt or noticed intentionally no one remembers I am or was even there. This ability is useful in artistic observation, and one sees and hears some interesting things in this manner.

 
172

Practical Instruction At Last

I was fortunate to take a design class taught by Fellipe Reyes. In a simple, matter of fact manner he enlightened me to the use of acrylic paints and the graduated mixing of colors. He imparted to me concepts of complementary and opposite colors, and practical advice for completing a painting. He filled in all the gaps in my experience with painting with only a few lectures and project assignments. I never even finished the class, and ironically received an F in it because I left town without withdrawing from my classes. My comic book activity was increasingly prosperous at this time and I decided to cut out of school to pursue a new career.

 
173

The Ballad of Comic Book Juan

While setting up at an Aggiecon I met a cartoon hippie character named Comic Book Juan. We talked about comic books for awhile and he surprised me by buying a couple hundred dollars worth of Spirit sections. While inquiring after a joint from a fellow dealer he told me to talk to Comic Book Juan, he always had the best pot. We reached an elemental understanding that day and I began buying loads of comic books from him at incredibly low prices.

 
174

Key to the Highway

Juan owned a piece of property outside of Bastrop, Texas, where he had built a house and barn to hold his comic books, and three huge ponds in which he was creating his own little Eco-system. He grew organic melons and was putting in a peach orchard when I first began to visit to buy comic books. Juan and I complemented one another perfectly. His technique of acquiring vast comic book collections at ridiculously low prices and my appreciation of comic books and ability to organize, price and market them effectively made us a perfect team, Comic Book Juan and Comic Book Don. The come on was 20-cent comics. Our average convention set up was comprised of fifty to one hundred boxes of random comics for sale at 20 cents each, a twenty to thirty box selection of alphabetized and individually priced comics, some number of boxes of golden age, high grade and specialty interest comics, collectors supplies, t shirts and miscellaneous related items. We were equipped to take money from anyone who came in the door and had quite a successful operation, but there was a dirty little secret to our success.

 
175

Too Radical?

The politics of LSD are its classification as a narcotic and prohibition from public use and understanding. The mind-expanding effect of acid makes it anathema to a government that enjoys power maintained on the apathy and ignorance of the general population. All of the danger and ill effects of acid stem from the criminal nature of its manufacture, distribution and use. Its proper use is infrequent and ritualized in a safe place with trusted people. Its effects may be profound and enlightening. An acid trip may provide days, weeks, months or years of mental labor to assemble the truth encountered in a few hours’ sensory experience. If acid were to be legalized, and distributed in the form of a church, which educates and properly administers the sacrament in prescribed doses for milestones in a human beings mental development, the results would be the elevation of the people who participate to a level of perception and understanding undreamed of by the best intentioned artist.

 
176

Unhappy Reality

Instead acid is criminalized and the ingredients for its safe and effective manufacture are controlled. The demand for it is great so manufacturers criminally acquire their ingredients, generally inferior ingredients, and play with the formula to achieve a producible product. Often these products only simulate the physical affects of LSD and do nothing to elevate the mind at all. Acid is cheap to produce, easy to hide and expensive to buy. What cost a penny to produce brings like eight dollars from someone wanting to drop some acid. Enough room to create a profitable industry employing thousands of hard working people. This criminal industry operates on trust. The vendor gets an address. She sends her cash. She checks her mail. Everyone has her own deal that kharma dealt her. She trusts the quality of her supplier’s product and her customers trust her. People who responsibly buy, sell and use acid are invisible and above the law. Those who act irresponsibly and use poor judgement in pursuit of profit wind up behind bars.

 

177

Questionable Influence

Comic Book Juan adopted me and gave me the run of the place. He made me his business manager and I signed his checks. He made me a vegetarian and a Yankees fan and imbibed me with a certain cynical perception of humanity. I tried to persuade Juan to legitimize his business but he saw too many obstacles in that direction. Sensing my best interests lay in other pursuits I parted with Comic Book Juan rather abruptly as the convention season ended and he unilaterally cut my pay to $50 a week.

 
 178

Changing Horses

Soon after that I went to work for Houston promoter, dealer and comic book lover, Larry Taylor in managing his convention comic book operation. It was another case of complementary desires serving one another. Larry needed someone to serve him in carrying out various tasks in promoting his shows, and to serve his interests in operating his comic book business. I found that serving the interests of my employer made my work more meaningful and enjoyable.

179

Comic Book Conventions

I love working on comic book conventions. I love working to serve the collection of dealers, the artists, and staff, each doing their own thing, to bring together a show worth a few bucks to get in to see. The situation is an intellectual goldmine if the economic aspect doesn’t rule the perceptions of the participants. Sadly comic book aficionados are commonly narrowly focused on their individual interests and little inclined to investigate comics they are not familiar with. I myself check out every comic book I see, and actively tell anyone who will listen which ones I like. I will address the history and development of the comic book industry in more detail later, but here I will say of it that the industry operated under severe censorship for most of the last half of the twentieth century, and only in the late 1990’s did it blossom into a freely expressive medium. Some comic books published today are fundamentally different from any other entertainment product, and destined to be extremely sought after. Their difference lies in their creator’s use of the comic medium to tell fantastically entertaining stories. Instead of a hurried, sometimes-embarrassing product made to earn a quick buck, today’s comic books can stay in print for decades on their artistic merit.

 
180

A Struggle

Beginning the nineties I was promoting my own conventions, most successfully in smaller cities in Texas like Waco. My efforts were moderately successful but Comic Book John choose to act as my nemesis and cut into my profitability by staging comic book sales elsewhere in town on my dates. I responded by telling everyone he was an acid dealer and how to take advantage of his situation in dealing with him. The situation became quite unpleasant and unprofitable so I left the comic business and devoted myself to painting.

181

Relax

My good friend Mike Courtney had opened a comic shop in Pasadena, Texas, in a former gynecologist’s office that contained a number of small examination rooms. I took up residence in one of these garrotes, and began my role as starving artist. Working part time for Larry Taylor and at other odd jobs I devoted myself to painting. Having little money I painted on gessoed record albums and jackets. Planning, laboring over and completing artworks was more rewarding than anything I had ever done. It brought me a confidence and great good will that I had never experienced. I also reached a point where women could again have a positive influence in my life. My painting gave me absolute power over at least one aspect of my life so I could compromise on anything else without damaging my integrity. Previously my perception of my Art was that it was whimsical and depended on courting a fickle muse with all my attentions. I was finally ready to relax.

 
182

Fern

I was set up at a Contex science fiction convention in Houston that November. A comic dealer at a science fiction show has plenty of time to contemplate the crowd. Fern walked into the dealers room and instantly captivated me with her intense beauty. I observed her from all angles as she idly circled the room, examining each table in its turn. As she came to my set up I greeted her with my standard “Don’t be intimidated by our low prices.” She laughed and promised she wouldn’t. She examined the paperbacks on the table and inquired about a book, and I got her name, address and phone number for a promise to look for it. Fern was intelligent and good and displayed a quality I term kharmakatious, that is, she has a good vibe that rubs off. I watched her walk away understanding I would see her again.

183

Sweet Love

Later that same day we went out to my van for some reason and I asked Fern how old she was. She answered 17 and I told her it was too bad, I would have made a move if she were old enough. She looked annoyed and I kissed her, and our friendship was cemented. She lived in distant Dayton, Texas, but would come to Houston for Karate lessons and sometimes she would stay over and I would take her home. She was drawn to me because of that quest for knowledge thing, and also she has her own thing of giving redemption to losers. Although she was quite sexually ambiguous, once we were naked and fooling around it was clear to me that she didn’t want to have sex, at least not with me. Unperturbed I was able to return the flow of blood to my brain and enjoy our closeness for the innocent fun it remained throughout our acquaintance.

 
184

Psychology of Beauty

Fern is the arch-typical strong woman who is opposite to my strong man. She resents that so much of her power comes from her appearance and society’s expectations of a person of her character. People line up to give her whatever she wants, but everything she gets has strings attached. She has experienced a lot of suffering and wants to ease the suffering of others. Fern’s inner beauty eases the suffering of everyone who experiences it, but her physical beauty creates desire, envy and jealousy among men and women alike. Fern is a drug and one wants as much as she may have, but to have Fern you have to give her what she wants. I couldn’t do it on a regular basis. I was planning a painting, my first masterpiece, designed as independent sections that comprise a separate whole. An object depicted from 16 different angles within the context of abstract backgrounds that assembled as a whole work. I was casting about for an object to depict when Fern volunteered. Many of my best paintings are of Fern, and I expect that I will continue to paint her the rest of my days.

 
185

Gretchen

One morning in Pasadena I was painting as usual and decided to take a break. I walked out the back door and saw a telephone worker kicked back in her truck with her feet up taking it easy. It struck me as hilarious and I laughed out loud. That’s how I met Gretchen. She got up sheepishly and introduced herself. We soon went back to my studio to discuss art and life. I described my practice to her and she turned me on to a book called The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese monk and poet who was nominated by Dr King JR for the Nobel Peace Prize. This one small book was everything I had been able to figure out in my lifetime clearly expressed. So this is Buddhism huh? Gretchen belonged to the Houston Zen Community meditation group that sat for an hour on Sunday evenings. We attended together regularly for a time. When I lost the little job that fed me I mentioned it to the sangha and someone said they thought Pueblo to People was hiring.

186

Tanya & Gloria

Pueblo to People is a mail order concern that ethically imports products produced by indigenous peoples in countries around the world. They hired me to take telephone orders. The work was interesting and provided me some affluence. Working at the next desk was efficient, intelligent and beautiful Tanya. She interviewed me and edged me into the position. She and her family love artists, and Tanya herself is a talented musician. Tanya is extremely kharmakatious, as is her friend and band mate Gloria. Together they brought me new appreciation of music, an art form I have sadly neglected in my practice.

187

Temporarily Homeless

Eventually my job at P to P ended and I came back to Houston from a trip to the Kerrville Folk Festival with a horrible poison Ivy rash covering my arms and legs. I found myself broke, homeless, unemployed and miserable. A friend recommended me to Ms Lindy of the Kuumba House, a South African dance studio and community center. Although she knew she would probably never get it she rented me a studio and bath for $100 a month and I had a place off the streets to rest and heal. During this time it was my habit to go to Gloria’s place to catch the Simpsons, perhaps the single most literate and significant individual artwork of the twentieth century. On one such visit she told me Tanya was looking for me to do some work for her parents.

 
188

Initial Patronage

Dr. Enrico and Sandra Urquieta needed some remodeling done and engaged me as house artist/handyman/house sitter with a weekly stipend in addition to compensation for specific improvements. Life was truly sublime. I had created and was creating accomplished works of Art, and was acknowledged as an artist and living as an artist, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but I still lacked recognition and a paying market for my paintings. I showed my work to good response but no one would pay the prices I asked for my paintings. Also I was very lazy and unwilling to promote my paintings because I couldn’t express their value. This book is, after all, a mere attempt to establish their value and be a guide to their understanding.

 
189

Tribal Hut

I was almost completely divorced from comic books at this time. Money was tight and comic books had become quite expensive. I had largely depleted my once enormous reserves of comic art, and I approached the happy state of owning practically nothing but my clothes and my artwork. I went to work for Tribal Don, a friend of Gloria’s and a tribal folk art entrepreneur. I ran the Tribal Hut, a tiny folk art and mask shop on West Grey in the Montrose. It was only a short walk from the Urquieta’s and the same distance from the garage apartment I had just moved into. It was a time of enormous creative activity for me, and to anyone, who didn’t know me, my actions must have often appeared weird and inexplicable. During this time there were only two people who understood my attempts at expression of my mental mania.

 
190

Wise Friends

One was artist and friend Rick Rodriguez, a computer type artist who works at the highest levels of computer science. Rick and his family sort of adopted me and we got together fairly regularly to bend one another’s ears. The other was Terry, the King of the Montrose. Terry could live anywhere he chose, but preferred the grassy median between the lanes of Montrose Blvd. between W. Grey and Westheimer. Maintaining an unbathed and weather-beaten facade, and affecting a base and profane persona, Terry was a local guru to the young castaways of the Montrose. Terry took a liking to me and we discovered that we each were on the same mental quest for that indescribable thing of the mind, which we reason, must exist, and have a purpose, so we think our way towards it. Our discussions of this concept, carried on between Terry and me and Rick and me, flowed naturally back and forth, and we all agreed that it was sane and rational thought being expressed, but it is not only not a commonly examined phenomenon, but is in fact a symptom of various mental disorders.

191

Welch Street Gallery

At one of Gloria’s parties I met another hippie artist named Jimmy Bryan. I admired his tightly constructed, surrealistic oil paintings, and constructed and decorated frames for a number of his works. One day Jimmy Told me about a woman he had met who had a sort of storefront on her house and wanted to convert it into an art gallery. Sandy was a good hearted, independent woman struggling to maintain her property and raise her young daughter. Jimmy and I befriended her and worked to help her open her gallery. I moved into Sandy’s garage apartment and we worked to stage the initial show of Jimmy’s paintings.

192

Teaching Children

During this time my moods swung between depression over my poverty and terrific highs in my creativity. I increasingly maintained my mind at a greatly elevated level and calculated solutions to every obstacle that arose. In talking to a neighbor I discovered that the elementary school down the street offered no art or music classes. I calculated that by working two hours a day, three days a week over the course of the school year I could teach all 400 students to paint. I contacted Siro, the Principal, and proposed my volunteer art program. He was enthusiastic and allowed me a trial. I was quite effective with the little kids. Using tempera paints and pre marked boards I taught my color wheel lesson to the delight of the children at their successful completion of the project. The experience was extremely valuable to me because in watching the children’s natural experiments with brush and paint I saw them do things I would have never thought of.

 
193

Dreamlike Mania

At this point it may be interesting to examine my motives. On the surface I am completely self-centered and self-absorbed. More deeply, in my practice, I strive to transcend my ego by perceiving and relieving the suffering I encounter in life. To get what you want, you have only to ask. In pursuing a life of service to others I created a metaphysical set of circumstances in which my every need was satisfied by events and situations that arose around me. My mind floated freely in and out of a state of consciousness akin to the Dream State, where I have instant access to the vast store of information contained in my brain. This manic state of mind has different levels. There is the benign level that allows exceptionally creative work, and which I may occupy for prolonged periods while displaying few outward symptoms. In receding from this level, its memory becomes vague and tenuous in my mind, leaving the impression that certain actions and reasoning's were like a dream.

194

Manic Depression

There is also an accelerated level of this mania wherein the content of the mind begins to impose itself, and the mind begins to race of its own volition. As if all of the personality and conversation files in the mind are open and running at once, so that you can finish other people’s sentences as they speak. Social interaction becomes rather unpleasant for all concerned, and the incessant racing of the mind banishes sleep, leaving us to work for days at a time. Meditation and practice may bring me out of this accelerated mental state, with days or weeks of concerted effort. In such periods I may suffer deep depression, and work becomes difficult because of lack of concentration.