Crazy About Analysis -25 Year Death Song Indiegogo Project Blog Post 08

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Crazy About Analysis

Today was wonderful, and yet it went horribly wrong in so many respects. I launched my Indiegogo project Saturday evening with the first mass email annoyance to every person I could think of as contacts, no matter how tenuous, except for my eBay contacts, who I fear shall not escape my project announcement for long. I also started a facebook page and renewed my dormant twitter account. These require labor that actually withers something inside me. I have been searching for someone to take the social media chores for this project over from me, and I have met a few likely persons, but somehow I can’t ask her.

I think this is similar to the reason I quit painting for so long; asking a young woman to model became the most intimate relationships I undertake, So at last it was the same as asking them to sleep with me, not hard in that, but a real emotional ordeal, one that brings uncomfortable changes to my personality: more unreasonable and less detached. I’m a hard man because my heart to soft, and I fall in love with everyone I meet. Because of this I can only teach of mentor a few persons at a time, if I did not love them so well I could work with many more at a time without becoming affected by them. I have learned this key aspect of myself and have no regret, even for the unfortunate problems it leaves to my personality.

I spent half an hour picking a bottle of wine to use preparing my lunch dish for church, only to be told that they could not sell it to me until noon. I bought some ingredients to experiment with a recipe I was imagining around some turkey sausage and baby new potatoes. I decided it was too elaborate to make at home, and felt brave enough to experiment for the sangha; I talked about my idea with Sema at Friday meditation and she gave me some advice, and Taylor reminded she was vegan so I decided to switch to a vegan vegetable dish. So I simmered pearl onions, garlic and ginger, and matchstick carrots in olive oil over low low heat, for three hours. I got busy though, and the carrots burned. The upshot is a culinary disaster served at church by me. So it goes.

The majority of my turnaround will be in altering my direct and analytical nature, at least expressed in my personality. Sitting here tonight drinking my coffee I noticed something nice about Heather Leather as she walked past. I was about to thank her for taking the lighter out of her back pocket, I had mentioned in humor before that it spoiled my aesthetic appreciation of the line of her passage; but then I perceived that she was sporting new slacks, sans pockets in the back. So I said nothing.

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Here Amy Lee sings my experience. Sometimes I pray she come through as well as I