evening roster to now call me monster

It still feels good to stick it to the man, especially when the man is posing as one of us. It is natural to fear a man who fits the pattern your culture paints as criminal. More so when that man shows no regard for the words and forms that your culture demands of one asking for his actions to be overlooked or forgiven. As my father taught me; don't argue: document.




Between April 17, 2014 and November 12, 2014 I documented over 50 shows; and many more bands performing in the San Antonio 'post-punk' scene, chiefly in 4 venues, which I felt was the reach of my capacity to perceive and perhaps understand my subjects of observation. Curiously all of the evidence I am charged and convicted of, is by work that I published myself, freely where all of my subjects will see its evidence.

So I say to myself...'what harm can it do to walk naked into a scene of strangers just like people I know and who know me.' Knowing well enough that I will build good will; and than turn it back until spent, and not knowing or concerned at all at the disjunctions created or  then clarified by others what was meant for others by my actions and challenges.

By early September I saw it was time to move on to something else, so I decided that an upcoming FEA show at cafe rev would be the last in this project. For promotional reasons I cooked up a feud with rufus just as a fun parting gift to the scene; or so I reckoned. My reasoning being I was thought 'cool' and seemed well liked by practically everyone, thus to be immediately forgoten on exit.

now I'm told that I am in danger even at nesta nesta; that I have no idea who I have hurt or pissed off with  my challenging miss-behavior in this project; documented too, seemingly as pretext to break my own heart, among others.

I know I have brought trouble and suffering to others besides myself, as is inevitable in stirring the pot in the manner that it appears that I have done. Still I strongly assert that the actions I have made are worthwhile and beneficial in direct relation to each person's suffering as a result of my challenge to them. Whatever crime is laid at my door; I have documented all of my actions, and in fact this very documentation has been misconstrued as pretext for damning me to having committed some implied perversity.  I assert that they are complete evidence to the contrary.

If I look closely at anything for a time I know its constitution; device, idea, person, animal, even a situation. This last I am driven to push relentlessly for in truth I pray always that it is my last. I have hope, to wear to an end the Spirit's opposition to my will, in this matter. The question always begging is shall I relent.

Until very recently I would have thought myself invisible to all the persons in my documentation of the scene.  Not non-existant, but certainly not important beyond expediency. I think it is clear that I hold the artists; their gear and the audiences, and the venues captured in my work in high regard. Also I concentrate on capturing the events I am attending in a personal and open searching fashion. I want to captue the crowd and how persons in the audience react and interact with the band; their outfits, their keg stands, moshs and lifts and every visual aspect I am able to capture.

I see a woman's fanny as wonderful and I only experience them in public by the owners express representation that 'here it is boys.' I do not shoot fannys expressly; without clear purpose; but occasionally as default in missing the shot I was attempting. I am neither more proud nor a bit ashamed of any pic I shot at any club in this entire project.

Know now that you have been within a spell I have made of myself to thus become visible in the entire San Antonio community; by speaking my kind truth to each one of you while hearing the kind truths you each experience every day, bolstered most by friendship and music. I have accomplished what I have to share; by intent, gasoline, technology and person power. Hardy any 'cash money' was used to accomplish anything beyond snacks or band merch.