Texas Women's Health Care Options MEME

An Iconoclast Looks at 55 on Facebook 25 Year Death Song Indiegogo Project Blog Post 18

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An Iconoclast Looks at 55 on Facebook

In this wonderful world where everyone desires fame, fortune and, after much fooling around family, I have followed a track through often lonely territory seeking I never knew what for reasons I could never find the words to express to anyone. I have had a life filled with study, creative expression, had the privilege to serve other persons, runaways, addicts, lost minds like my own who have not had my privileges and education, veterans suffering an ignoble life for their service, persons battered and abused by the ones who should love them., and out here in the night doing things that we wish they would not. I get each their attention and wait quietly, most come around, do their own test of me, then I wait for the flood that often comes. After so many I understand that I have no advice beyond helping find services, that they hate and with good reason. I have time for them, just so. For street people a chance to talk things out to someone who will listen to the turns of mind we all have to work through. I once had an unhappy man in dirty tattered clothes and high aroma tell me his of sufferings of decades in full detail. He talked all night almost to dawn. At last he had no more to tell, he stood up and stretched, then told me that I was the first person he had talked to in more than two years.

I can’t measure what my practice is worth, I could not possibly do it for pay; it can only come from my heart, and I am truly the wealthiest man I have ever encountered. I chase the unknown expression of the complexity, and truth and illusion embodied in the diverse aspects of what we know as money, capital and philanthropy. This dharma was planted as a seed in me with Walden by Thoreau in public high school. Just the relationship there that (paraphrasing) “money gets between us and our objects and provides them for us,” cut deep into me, and I have bled a little each day since, for I cannot have my family without reconciling this equation. 

Perhaps here I vowed to devote my heart and life to the power of the fine distinction. Clear thought demands real change in a person. Language is so tenuous that it causes tremendous misunderstanding and suffering to all persons on all days. So what? I don’t pretend to know the answers but life’s sufferings must be met by the process and creative skill persons can use to answer their own desires.

I have been a week now on Facebook. They claim it is free but it has demanded too much of my time already to accept that! I want to thank by name the several friends there that have helped me and pointed out tools of perception but I can’t, held back by my modestly and defense of others privacy. So look here: I love you each, but I am easy at this. My heart is too soft, so I have had to keep a hard exterior and a lone demeanor to hold to my own purpose. I urge each of you reading to love your ambitions the same yourself.

 http://igg.me/at/comicbookshaman
http://www.shamanprocess.blogspot.com/
http://principia-mathematica.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/02powergirl

Please think about what you may gain by supporting my Indiegogo Project and give generously. Thank You.

This has been on my mind for some time, had to do something and this is what I could manage.

I Can Only See Without Thinking 25 Year Death Song Indiegogo Project Blog Post 17

Mental Health: Its what you're fed.

I Can Only See Without Thinking

In daily practice, including meditation for no less than three hours on average for almost 25 years my thought and perception has evolved to be 'Comic Book Shaman;' reluctantly I will describe my attainments from today to my birth, as I own them:

1.      Man of Knowledge

2.      Toltec person (the tribe with no children) (not what you think that means)

3.      Shaman healer

4.      Shaman warrior

5.      Shaman

6.      Teacher of dharma of use

7.      Teacher of all humanities

8.      Owner of a Diagnosis of Mental Disorder (bipolar)

9.      Student of sciences

10.  Leonardo da fuckin’ Vinci  (painter problem solver)

11.  Monk student of Thich Nhat Hahn of Vietnam

12.  Independent consultant

13.  Warrior

14.  Traveler

15.  Hunter/Stalker

16.  Carpenter

17.  Seeking spirit

18.  100 Mentors polished

19.  Comic Books: assimilation of infinite variables

20.  Lady killer

21.  Completely unloved

22.  Completely loved

23.  Worried about the draft (1971)

24.  Woodstock/”What are we fightin’? Don’t ask I don’t give a damn)

25.  John and Yoko in the papers (Dumped the Blonde? ...huh.)

26.  Saw neighbor with a stack of old comic books; never looked back.

27.  Went along to Girl Scout Summer camp (4-5 years old) kissed a girl and she told everyone (betrayal)

28.  Born 1958 clueless

As a monk I live a life of service. This service has no institution, and is my essential net worth. As all of my artworks, it is rooted in random acts. 
As a boy and man I love women. I feel every love affair is a family; in terms of my own responsibility. To condense my life’s equation it is just this,

[family demands responsibility/ demands employment/ demands time/ sold to earn money/ to support family= safely + well].

There is just no other way I can think. When I look at you I only see you, without thinking anything particular, not ticking off a list of my desires in terms of physicality or class or the stuff you have. Normal guys might wonder if she has a condom in her purse, but I just have that loop above in my mind with each erection. So the woman I’m always seeking has to prove stronger, wilder and as maybe even as restless to move forward as me. You could be anyone to me---Like A Hurricane!




I am just a dreamer you dream you. How can I tell? You could be anyone to me.

This Is What I Learned About Crazy 25 Year Death Song Indiegogo Project Blog Post 16

Derived of Recent Retreat and Circumspection
This I What I Learned About Crazy

It saddens me very much that in order to be accepted by the people I meet more than slightly I have to adopt a role that they can be comfortable with. It feels like I have to play a role that they can understand completely so that can accept every aspect of any behavior that I may display. I am accepted well at comic book shows, among street people, with health care professionals a bit jaded from their experiences, Mexican Restaurants POW WOWs and perhaps college campus’  or in the Arts' Community, if I keep a low profile. I wonder sincerely; does everyone live their lives this way, in constant correction. I wonder if I just aged out of being accepted in being unconventional?

I have shielded myself by these following tactics that have at least allowed me to survive to my present:

1.      I assume invisibility or that, while people see me, they soon simply forget seeing me.

2.      I don’t care that people disapprove of me.

3.      I am comfortable with ambiguity.

4.      I am satisfied with very little or nothing.

5.      I have built a hard shell to protect my soft heart.

6.      I don’t believe in anything because I can accept everything.

7.      It hurts me to lie or ask others for help; and I don’t care if others lie to me, and accept my help.

8.      I have no fear of making and admitting mistakes, because I do so much; my mistakes are common and usually seem small to me, but I see, often are not to others.

9.      I have practically no fear of anything; but understand that I experience a high level of suffering related to my isolation from most of the human race.

10.  I have no animosity or ulterior motives towards other persons in thought or speech or action; although sometimes if I am not kind, it is because I sincerely believe that unkindness will help that person.

11.  I think that I truly regard sexual behavior/intercourse as an object, and never a purpose for my thoughts or action; this appears to be key to most of my conflicts, and in my suffering: particularly since beginning this Indiegogo Project.

This last not unfairly, many situations are not perceived by others in the above light; and my age and appearance results in general fear and mistrust of me and nearly everything I try to do. I have always understood the missing part of my adapting to this culture to be a business agent. I am conflicted and perhaps unable to extricate my desires to make art, attract an agent to generate an income from that artwork, and engage subject models from finding a lover and wife.

The above is the complex equation for my resolution or redemption, and my heart’s desire; the combination of the close association of all of these elements prevents me from putting all the pieces together effectively, chiefly I reckon because of my unconventional perception and understanding of the nature of money.

I regard the object of changing the world view of money, capital and our separation by it (money) from infinite aspects of objects, commodities and human being as the root of human redemption; as described by Henry David Thoreau, and  that I grasped myself in high school and adsorbed as a fundamental truth of my consciousness. This is not from any sort of –ism, but is a natural law not different from mathematics and physics that is difficult to understand, painful to accept, but it’s logic is undeniable if considered openly in context with all conflicts existing; political, cultural, religious and personal.

The love (misunderstanding) of money is the root of all evil. Truth/dig exists only in the human mind.

You can use Bob Dylan's recapitulation below to pattern your own truth/dig    

A thousand kicks taught Woody, Bob broadcast his dharma, Victoria bought Highway 61 for me...